I am Winter by Denise Brown

Author:Denise Brown
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hashtag Press
Published: 2021-05-15T00:00:00+00:00

I’m downstairs in my room when Mac comes home that night. “Throw it in the bin,” I hear him say. “Throw it in the bin and forget about it.”

“Why should I?” She’s had two cans of Stella and about a hundred cigarettes since The Bastards pushed the note through the letterbox. “You think it’s okay to threaten people now?”

“I’m not saying that.” Mac is covered in plaster-dust and paint from the new-builds he’s working on and there are sweat rings under his armpits. He swipes his T-shirt over his head and wipes his face and the back of his neck with it. He looks tired. Mum would normally wait for him to get in the shower before starting but tonight she’s too rattled to care. “All I’m saying is leave it. Let the kid rest in peace.”

“I’m not the one stirring ashes.” For someone with a permanently husky voice she’s starting to sound more like Bette Midler in Hocus Pocus. “They know Summer should be there, fuck knows she did more—”

“Stick another record on, Liz!” Mac snaps. “This isn’t about who did what. This is about a mother saying goodbye to her daughter. How do you think you’d feel?”

Standing behind my door I sense the hesitation, knowing they’re probably both staring down the stairs because I’m down here. Cee, sitting at my dressing table brushing her hair, refuses to meet my eyes. We both know it’s impossible for Mum to know how it feels, because I’m the one who’s still alive. The pills didn’t kill me.

A door slams. A dish or mug or plate or something crashes against the kitchen floor before the door bounces off the wall on its way open again.

“You know what?” she screeches. “You take everyone else’s bloody side. Don’t you worry about us, we’ll sort ourselves out, you selfish fucking arsehole.” She thumps downstairs and screams at him from her bedroom, “You like ‘em that much why don’t you take your stuff and go live with them.”

“Yeah, it’s me who’s selfish. I’m not the one throwing your daughter out there to be eaten by the wolves.”

I glance at Cee. Her family are the wolves Mac is referring to and I feel guilty because that’s down to me too. Mac’s trying to protect me from Cee’s family, because I’m vulnerable, but what about them? Aren’t they vulnerable right now, too? I don’t want my best friend to start hating me . . . not now . . .

She winks at me. “Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere.”

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